And more blahs!

Now when you know someone, what are the things do you remember? I am sure things that are sensational to you, something that you have never experienced or will never do it and you talk about those things to others. Do you give the right picture of that person? I think not.

Why don’t we sit back and think that what we think is ‘cool’ or ‘un-cool’ might have a totally different perspective? There might have been a reason behind the action, or may be just a thought again!

Am I getting convoluted? Well, its hard for me explain my relationship with my youngest aunt, aka Kutti to people…most of them feel that its impossible to share every damn detail with someone who is 26yrs elder to you. How can I explain my relationship with her that is usually seen as absurd, impossible?

That if I have doped once in my life becomes hot news and they easily forget my 14 yrs of singing or 8years of writing. I am sure these details are given just to add colour in my life or may be portray me as this ‘fickle-minded’, ‘reckless’ person. Fact is no one knows the truth behind me doping once (frankly, it was only a kash from that dopey cigarette!).

Now there is a lesson for me too…I too need to re-look at how I see people, dump the baggage of sensational items and understand the person as she/he is…I know its difficult and a matter of perspective. But these experiences have allowed me to introspect and I shall do the same!

BBites :)

So what makes us special?? We are like any other group of young people who love to live in our dreams and well, work a bit to make some come true. We love to party and laugh and hug and drink and make merry. But…we are different and that is because we think Beyond Borders.

Now what the hell is that? Some might ask...it simply means that we are a bunch who are extremely sensitive and feel much more when we see something wrong around us. We want to go out and help in our own little ways to change the society, which certainly begins with coming out of I, Me and Myself syndrome and break my own stereotypes and change my thought to experience the hardships of others and just 'feel' for lesser privileged...
BB as we lovingly call has changed my perspective and has given me a reason to harness my thoughts that might be seen as eccentric and not get bogged down by what others think…because they don’t see the world from my eyes that needs more love, acceptability and sensitivity towards others…and we all know that we are hell right about it :)

We make movies on what touches us, we sing and dance simply to live our life to the fullest and silently thanking the immortal for giving us such a wonderful life and friends with whom we can share just about anything…discuss issues that we usually cannot with others…how relieving it feels once its out of our system and see equal reaction from others…

We met after a long time, but there was no sense of formality…yes, we have changed and for our own good but also this change has helped us to influence a few around us and take things in our own hands. The experience gave us new friends, and made us realise that every change matters- no matter how small and insignificant it may seem.

It was great freaking out and meeting most the people…hope the spirit will continue…so that even if we lose touch, we will certainly not forget the moments we spent… :)

Rock On!!

Thamma..miss uuuu

Mithiyaaa, aamar kache aaye (Mithiya come to me) is the sound that resonates in my ears...going to Jaipur was fun as I met my Thamma (paternal grandmother) and she welcomed me with a toothless grin and a big hug...

Standing 5' feet tall, long hair, spectacles and wrinkled face, she exuded beauty. She looked like a royal queen and no less than Maharani Gayatri Devi. I waited for her to make for me paan post lunch that was a sacrosanct practice we followed.

Suddenly, when she started chatting in rampant marwari ,I wondered, is she a bong or a maru??

I will miss her terribly since I grew up with her in more ways than one...

Love you thamma...now that you have reunited with dadu after 10 long years...don't forget us. And yes, hope you enjoy your 87th Birthday in heaven with dadu and the angels but we are missing you down here...

Blasphemy!

I am sure that everyone is thoroughly irritated and infuriated about the Mumbai Terrorist Attack...I don't know for how long are we going to accept all this and treat it as a part of life...lets proactively participate...whether its signing online petitions or joining a peaceful march..its high time the government should know that we cannot be taken for granted!

Preposterous how RR Patil had the guts to say that its just a normal event...wait till he loses his Z class security...aam aadmi is not taken care of, rather they bear the brunt of the laziness and the indiffirent attitude of the govt...but is appalling is that despite of having clues on this attack, Vilasrao chose to sleep in A/C room...why the hell doesn't he resign? Finally one good thing has happened out of all this, WE have come together and torn the masks of these falticious characters and yes another thing, Shivraj Patil resigned, I could not be happier!

But when will we get results? The Delhi, Gujarat blasts have been forgotten...hopefully the govt and their arms will finally Awake and Arise....

Radio Ga Ga!!

Doesn’t radio rekindle the feeling of nostalgia? Do I sound like a 50 year old woman??

I was born in the era when radio still had its charm and television was getting there…and during my formative years in school, radio was lost in the shadow of TV watching…but its back with a big bang!!! :)

I love listening to Take off and MMH in AIR-102.6 and other shows that plays English music here, since you seldom get to hear them in other channels, who are too busy re- repeating (if I can use this newly created word) the same old Hindi songs from new movies…its different here…

Well, I recently started pitching in with requests mainly in PKJ’s shows to listen to my fave songs and it’s a great feeling when your name is called out…frankly I feel like a 7 year old again .

What is so wonderful about the radio is that it is enigmatic…voices taking over and you start imagining how the person would look like…faces are unknown and you recognise the RJs with their silky, husky, sexy voices…can you ever get that anywhere else? I love this secrecy about them, since they are not all over the place like TV soap stars and are known for their work rather than their spats and affairs!
RJs you rock!!! And I bet so many of us are dying to be one :)

Rock On!

Breaking barriers...Obama WINS!

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true."

Finally, Martin Luther King's dream has turned into a REALITY!!

For generations, people lived in despair because of apartheid, prayed for a better life and died with the hope that the future generation will be better off...and finally today, HISTORY is made and Democracy is finally exuberant..that people have voted and got what they wished for and for what their ancestors fought for...

Obama's win is not only the victory of the blacks, but of all those in every part of the world who are suffering from the hierarchies of caste, religion, region and colour...it is time for all of us to turn our wishes and dreams into reality by VOTING for the person we feel deserves it! Its time to be optimistic and think about others...

With the hope that Obama will be successful in fulfilling the wishes of the millions in the USA and the aspirations and hopes of the billions like us...I wish him all the best!!! Hope he changes the course of the USA and plays a catalytic role in bringing peace and harmony in warring zones...

Rock On OBAMA!!!

Just a thought

Great people are for what they do,
Greatest are those for how they feel...

Rock On!! :)

Time heals as time moves on…

Mad confusion in my head

As I feel my soul leaving me like sand from my hand

I try to clutch it like a hungry animal

Hungry for love, hungry for life,

Hungry to be with myself

But time runs faster than me

The world seems to be a monster

Devouring us every minute

Draining our soul, making it lifeless

As a fallen tree rests on parched earth

Trying to get up, to regain its spirits

I try to fool the darkness of the night

But fear in my heart accompanies me

The night overhauls my destiny

I cry in anguish, in pain, in hope

And I feel defeated, efforts futile

Then I hear people say-

Time heals as time moves on

Speak-eth!!!

Mr. Raj Thackrey spoke his mind…right or wrong, that is for you to decide…but he had the guts to speak his mind and face stiff opposition…even though it is a publicity stunt!

I like many do not agree to it…we are ONE country with our diversities…isn’t he trying to undermine the competency of the Maharashtrians by talking about reservations? Why do we need these on the basis of caste and region?

What I find amazing is that the so- called intelligentsia of the state did not one oppose his project of ‘Jai Maharashtra!’ does it insinuate something?

Mr. Deshmukh, were you sleeping in your cozy leather couch? Where were you, when innocents were beaten up? zzziinnnngggg???

Why are we going back to ‘regionalism’ and re -igniting the whole ‘I am better than you’ debate? What is Thackrey getting out of it? Should the Central Government then ban him from visiting to other parts of the country? In the future, will we have to acquire visas and work permits to enter other states? Ohhh…what a nightmare!!!

Come on politicians, speak up for the wrong…condemn him and any such anti- national feeling…forget vote banks, they will come running to you if you do things right!!!

Speak up like he did…or else go to hell!!!

Boom Boom!!!

Boom...goes the bomb...my head goes numb with the sounds that pierces through my ear and took my mind to the battle zone...ohhh!! so much noise...

Burn burn...the money burns with the smoke of the patakhas and phuljharis...was I discussing about the financial meltdown yesterday??

Why do we waste, oh lord!!! Diwali is to illuminate the house to ward off all evils and to chant or pray...to eat loads of sweets and spend time with loved ones...but I could do none...

My head was reeling, I could hear infants cry and dogs go restless because of the booms and bangs...enjoyment as someone else's cost? to prove what?

I kept wheezing all night in the hope to catch some sleep at night..but hell no, I wasn't allowed to do so...

Lets celebrate festivals with our sensibilities intact...enjoy ourselves to the fullest without draining it out from other's lives!!! Can't we be considerate???

Hope you had fun... :)

Fasted!!!

The celebration time is on...and we are enjoying to the hilt!!! and of course all of a sudden, we become satyawatis, kalawatis and pati pujarans...hail our embedded patriarchal thoughts. Modern Indian woman is definitely not truly 'modern' after all...thanks to Ekta Kapoor's idiosyncrasies that reflects in her 'traditional' serials, where on one hand the man has relationships with umpteen number of women and the wife is fasting- 'karva chauth' and praying for his long life even after bearing the misbehaviour of the pati devta, sasuma and others!!!!

The worst of all, all women sit in front of the idiot box and greatly enjoy these atavistic serials that does nothing but give new ideas to suppress women...how lovely!!!

Isn't it time for the guys to do something? Hello...we bear the pregnancy, bring them up and manage the family logistics...isn't it time for them to fast for us?? after all, they can't afford to let us go to the heavens earlier...god save their lives!!!

Have we really understood the meaning of 'modernism' and 'equality'? Now I know a lot of you are going to say, 'its faith, what's your problem?' I know its your life and you can do whatever you want...but don't show off na...its become a fashion to demand or discretely expect expensive gifts from your darling hubbies!!!then why mix 'materialism' and 'faith'???


I don't understand our system at times..isn't love, all pure that breaks boundaries of creed, caste and religion??? Pray from the heart for love, not for diamonds...

Meandering life…

So what is happening to India and the world? Are we experiencing the sophisticated version of the 1930- 40 era?
Why are we branding a community for a few ‘black sheep’ and allowing the political parties to design our thoughts according to their convenience? We have stopped thinking, the only thing that bothers us today is how to earn more, live luxuriously and enjoy expensive vacations…
I saw ‘Wednesday’ yesterday…and yes, we are the stupid common man who has adjusted to every wrong and despicable activity taking place around us. We are ok with not going out and enjoying ourselves without fearing another bomb attack or talking to a stranger…we are ok with glancing suspiciously at a person wearing a safa, topi or dawning a beard…but why are we not ok with coming out of our comfort zone and asking the power hungry people to end the politics of terrorism? Utter ridiculous…then we blame the bajrang dals, secularists, communists and the SIMIs of the world…if they are doing what they think is right…why are we sitting like nincompoops and letting them do what they wish to.
Why are we ok with ethnic cleansing, conversion and re- conversions, caste killings, rapes and murders…why have they become a part of our daily lives and newspapers? Why have we allowed the ‘religionisation’ terrorism and ‘communalisation’ of its combat?
Are we heading towards a world war ? I see their mini- version happening already…hasn’t our lives become like that of the mosquito, living with the fear of being squashed by the bombs, religious-socio- cultural violence, road accidents…
Why am I living it and what’s the purpose of my life now? May be its time we take history seriously and bring it out from its coffin before we end up like the past!

Rock On!

Aashche bochor aabaar hobe!!! Pujo spirit lingers on

I had a terrific time during pujo...office in the morning and celebration in the evening...so why do bengalis suddenly feel all cultural and nostalgic during this time??? obviously coz its the only thing we wait for in the year!!!! The resonance of dhak (drums) and dhunochi naach (dancing with the pot that carries smoking coconut sheel in it) are the kickstarters and the essence of durga pujo that we don't get to see in our daily lives...
Excited kids and elders showing off their new wardrobe, bengali cultural functions in the evenings, galavanting around the city at wee hours in the night to see other pujo pandals and eating sumptuous chops, cutlets and maansher jhol (mutton curry) are the star attraction..

The mood is carnivalesque...a good time for youngsters for bird watching...but all in good spirits!!!

I have been associated with Patel Nagar Pujo since my birth...acting in plays, to distributing bhogs, to singing in agomoni (songs to invoke Maa Durga)...done it all and the spirit lives on in me...I wish these days could last a bit longer as it takes you away from the usual maddening lifestyle and force you to let your hair down and enjoy to hilt as if there is no tomorrow!!!! My countdown for the next year has aready begun :)

Work during pujo!!!

Now for me that's a sacrilege!!! But what can I do??? I have to come to office because I can't take a holiday after a long ailment period...

For a person like me...this time is all about venturing out, loafing around with family and friends and watching different pujo pandals and choose to watch from a plethora of cultural programmes.

But this time it was dampened by fear of terrorist attack...tight security checking led to long queues outside, thus hindering us from going inside!!!

This is the only festival for us bengalis when we get a chance to freak out, but sadly we were restrained this time!

Pujo always makes my heart flutter like a 2 yr old...its so exciting for me...and naturally so...

more on this later on!!!

Enjoy...the festival time has begun!!! Finally!!!

Stubbed!!!

Yes!!! I am happyyyy... that finally someone has banned smoking in public areas!!!

Now I would not have liked that 6 years back...when I used to smoke...well, I read Shobha De's comment on this issue where she protested the ban saying its 'un- democratic'!!! well what about the rights of those who suffer from passive smoking?? I wonder...I might sound like a disillusioned communist, which maybe I am...its far better to be an active smoker than a passive one! Also, since I am working in TERI now, I feel it is one of the small steps to combat climate change...so why not make these small efforts to make a BIG impact :)

But that makes me think, why I started smoking and why did I quit!!

Well in college days you are bound to try new things, cigarette creates a facade of creativity...so naturally as a singer, actor and director, I should be smoking or else how will my creativity ooze out...what a high it was to just hold that Wills Classic :)

Suddenly, juniors respected you or so you felt...and I became this pseudo artist...and then of course it was to forget emotional pain, or so it was meant to be...

And then I quit...one fine morning...not that I was a chain smoker or could not live without it...that's a good thing my dad taught me, he said, "never get addicted to anything, coz nothing is more worth it than Life itself"...and I followed it...and still do...

Has my creativity suffered a setback?? or have I gone 'madder'?? well no and yes...and I have christened myself with the title of 'innocent madness' :)!!

I have to come to one conclusion...no artificial thing can give you high or bust your stress levels...we really need to 'love' our lives to be free from all this...freedom in altruism!!

And so I never had a craving ever again since the last 4 years...I am asthamatic and I realise what others go through when I am on the other side of the line...

So guys...no gyaan.. but try and quit...there are many more things to get addicted to..music for one!!!

Rock On!!!

Get Over It!!!

Yeah...that's what i am trying to do since a week...lying on my bed to nurse my poor health...thanks to Aedes darling that gave me dengue!!! :)

Well, but this disease is apt for a person like me who loves to sleep...but no!! I don't want anymore of it!!!

It feels great to be back at work..dare I say, I am feeling a bit buzzeddd...my darling friend, mummy, sister...Shivaa kept a check on me like a hawk...monitoring my health n platelet count over phone and even mailed me today morning...need I say that I am blessed to have her in my life!!! love you angel...

So lets see how this 'hello testing' day goes...hope good..though I am craving to be back in bed and catch a nap...

Hammered!!!

Damn this weather...damn this fever...my head is jammed and I am rambling and mambling away...to glory??...nay I say!!!

What's up world??? I feel like asking...how are we feeling today??? loony, glum, happy, mum??

Are we proud of ourselves?? Yeah they say!!!

Are we proud of our society...boo I hear...But aren't WE society??? NOOOOOOO they shout...

My head is jammed and my heart hammered...aren't we close to our doomsday??? aint we walking on the minefield we created for ourselves?? Blame the blooddyyy govt!!!

But I ask..who chose it??? you and me??? So big deal...it was a choice between a blind and a deaf...then I asked yet again...why didn't we join??? Oh such a dirty game it is...despicable idea...

Are WE doing something about it?? Arree...you crazy lady, shouts a girl, What can we do???

I stopped asking...wondering whether in this democracy, will we ever find our answers to the questions we ask daily...will our questions be heard and adhered to...by ourselves???

My head reels...and medication intoxicates my mind and body...I rest!

The Glass Palace

Where the 'thin red line' between reality and fiction is blurred.History is given a 'face', and characters are unreally 'real'!!

I don't know whether that makes any sense at all. But as a student of history the entire book seemed like a real human experience in the times when Burma was in flux...from the prosperous rule of Thebaw to the vulnerberality of its existence because of the greed of the Raj...it beautifully weaves in the confusion of identity that people might have experienced at that time. This is definitely the first that peeps into the mindset of a royal family in exile, their inability to accept the truth and their pain of accepting a different culture and changing their age old habits...

I am in awe of Amitav Ghosh because of his ability to connect us with our past through a whirlwind of emotions that we still experience...

It makes me think of our present. In Burma, post the English invasion, people suffered and that stimulated an identity crisis especially for the 'outsiders' like Indians, who otherwise were seen as a family member in times of Royal rule...don't we still consider some as 'outsiders' in our very own Delhi?? I wonder how they feel.

This is no review...but yes, its a must read as it captures elements of the present and his mindboggling story telling subtly touches each emotion and human behaviour.

May be its time we re-think about the whole logic of 'nationalism'!

Rock On

Ok.....I know that I saw the movie too late...don't abuse me for that...but lack of company compelled me to watch it so late :(

I went through a roller coaster ride with this movie...reminisced times in school and college when I used to sing...remembered members of our college band...and cried coz I am one of the lucky few who had a song dedicated (written and composed) by someone...and sooo the sentimental me, cried...mainly because I felt lucky...

Then I felt the transition from a singer to a mere listener and admirer of music and I hate myself for having left singing...I guess I took it for granted and escaped from the internal guilt by making excuses...well no more now!!! I will start singing...not to become a professional singer but to enjoy the little nothings in the journey...the endless rehearsals, debates, disagreements, jamming, drinking tea from other's singer's cup and so on....I miss my days in school specially...but time moves on!!!

And while I was thinking about all this, I carelessly passed through the Central Park today...only to find half an hour later that there has been a bomb blast...at that time I was in my car crossing Baba Kharak Singh Marg...phew!!!!! I still cant fathom that I escaped death...

This incident has given me all the more reason go back and do things I long to do....As Rob in rock On said, "I want to fulfill my dream of performing on the stage before I die." Those lines are still resonating in my ears...

I'm sure there might be many things you always wanted to do or get back to...Just do it...there is always time to make excuses and be lazy about it...but once this time goes it will never come back...so enjoy each day and re- start your old forgotten hobby, remove the pile of dust from it...Time is NOW!!!

Enough of gyaan...just shared my stream of thoughts that I experienced in the last few hours!!!

Rock ON!!!!! :)

Angel....

I ask myself today

What is happening to me?

A month ago, I was torn apart

& now I am bound in love

Is life all about subtle surprises?

I was struggling with myself

Trying to pick up my shattered pieces

But time did not help me here.

I met an angel who guided me through

Angel I call him because…

He is the answer to my silent prayers

Reaffirmed my belief in love!!

Soul mate I call him because…

He reads my mind and heart!!!

Friend I call him because…

He shared my sorrows when I could not share it with myself

Lover I call him because…

He loves me more than the unbound, infinite universe

People come and people go

Life moves on…

But my angel will be with me,

Forever-beyond eternity!!!!!!!!

Music should be a way of life!!!

Music decides my mood each morning…good music lifts my spirits and the bad ones make me sulk…what power music have!!! It has the ability to change your mood as the hues of the sky…sometimes grey,at other times- red or yellow!!! It is what you feel inside that is important…sadly people have forgotten to ‘feel’ and discover the nuances of one’s feeling…that’s why we have so much anger pent up inside us that is waiting for a reason to erupt like a volcano.

I feel music is needed all the more today… to calm ourselves and forget the hectic lives we lead these days…to relax and think about all the beautiful times we have experienced and cherish our lives rather than running after the things we want…